Episode Transcript
[00:00:12] You wake up, everything seems fine. Coffee's ready. WI fi's working. But inside it feels tight. Like something's off, you can't really tell what. It just won't let go. Like something's about to happen.
[00:00:29] Like danger is just around the corner.
[00:00:32] You don't see it, but it's close.
[00:00:35] Your body's already tense, your brain on alert.
[00:00:39] It's like anxiety kicked in before you even opened your eyes, and now you're living in it. You're not screaming, not crying.
[00:00:50] You're just on guard almost all the time.
[00:00:58] This episode is about anxiety. How it works, why it can be both your enemy and your ally.
[00:01:06] What to do when it becomes the background of your life.
[00:01:09] How it affects your thoughts, your body, your relationships. And whether it's possible to stop fighting it and start living with it. Without guilt, without shame, with understanding. My name is Dima. You're listening to Feelings between the Lines, a podcast about what we feel but don't always know how to explain. And before we dive in, I just want to say thank you to everyone who left a review.
[00:01:34] I've tried to take your feedback into account for this episode. Thanks for caring. Let's get into it.
[00:01:45] For a long time, I didn't know I had anxiety. I had no idea.
[00:01:48] I just thought I was tired, overworked.
[00:01:52] Maybe it's just my personality. I could smile, get stuff done, talk to people, and no one would guess that something inside me felt wrong.
[00:02:04] But then I started noticing strange things. Like the door. I'd leave the apartment, put, press the elevator button, and suddenly think, did I actually lock the door? My heart would clench. It felt like I'd missed something. I'd go back, check it was locked. Always.
[00:02:23] But then I'd leave again, and the same thought would hit.
[00:02:27] Sometimes I'd go back three, four times. Not because I forgot, but because I couldn't trust myself.
[00:02:34] Same thing at work.
[00:02:36] Even when everything was fine, I'd feel like something bad was coming.
[00:02:39] Like a mistake I made would suddenly come to light. Like I'd let someone down. Or maybe I already had. I'd start replaying emails in my head, listening to my boss's tone and thinking, why did he say it that way?
[00:02:53] What did that pause mean?
[00:02:55] Why didn't he add a smiley at the end of his message?
[00:02:59] Every tiny detail felt like a signal.
[00:03:02] And in relationships, it got even louder. Even when the person was right there, even when they loved me, I still needed confirmation. Words, texts, little gestures to feel sure that everything was okay, that I mattered. That I wouldn't be left behind.
[00:03:20] And when there was silence, when they were just busy or sent a message that just said, okay, I'd start spinning.
[00:03:30] They're tired of me.
[00:03:32] I must have done something wrong.
[00:03:34] This is the end.
[00:03:36] They just haven't told me yet.
[00:03:38] I didn't always say this out loud. I could stay quiet, pretend things were fine. But inside, the noise never stopped. Anxious, tense. Constant. It wore me out.
[00:03:50] Because while I looked normal on the outside, on the inside, on the. I was always bracing for something. Danger, loss, Rejection. And it wasn't some sudden panic. It wasn't an episode. It was just the background. Always there, following me to the store, sitting with me on the bus, lying next to me in bed. Sometimes softer, sometimes louder, Almost never completely gone.
[00:04:18] For a long time, I didn't even call it anxiety, because so much of it felt normal.
[00:04:24] Checking the door, just being careful, overthinking, just being thoughtful, needing reassurance, just being a sensitive person. It didn't even cross my mind to do other people feel the same?
[00:04:38] I just assumed everyone lived like this.
[00:04:41] Some were just better at hiding it. Others, like me, couldn't always fake the right expression.
[00:04:47] But then one day, I read a sentence.
[00:04:50] It explained anxiety. Not as a weakness, not as some panicky fear, but as a kind of alarm system, one that goes off even when there's no real threat. And that changed a lot.
[00:05:01] Because suddenly I could see I'm not broken.
[00:05:07] It's just my brain trying to protect me a little too hard.
[00:05:11] Anxiety isn't fear of the now.
[00:05:14] It's the anticipation of fear, just in case. It's like there's a scriptwriter in your head constantly going, what if something goes wrong? Let's be ready.
[00:05:24] And so you stop living in the present.
[00:05:27] You live in what ifs.
[00:05:30] Not in real moments, but in possible ones. Not in relationships, but in decoding them. Reading between the lines over and over again over time, I started to notice just how much this affected everything. My choices, my mood, my ability to connect, Even my body.
[00:05:48] Sometimes anxiety isn't in your thoughts. It's in your shoulders, too tight to ever really relax. It's in your breath, always, just a bit too shallow. It's in your stomach, like a coiled spring, even when you're just sitting on the couch. And if it goes on long enough, anxiety stops feeling like anxiety, it just becomes background noise. Kind of like how depression works, which, by the way, was the topic of my first episode. With depression, it's like everything loses its flavor. You're alive, but without spark, without craving.
[00:06:22] Numbed out with anxiety, it's the opposite. Everything is turned up. Every word, every look, every pause feels like a signal, a possible threat. Like you need to stay alert all the time. Both of them. Depression and anxiety can become background states. You go about your daily life, go to work, text someone, how's it going?
[00:06:48] Smile. But inside, it's a totally different reality.
[00:06:53] One is about emptiness, the other about constant readiness for something bad. And if you don't notice it, both can start to feel like you're new, normal. Like, I guess this is just who I am.
[00:07:06] But it's not who you are. It's a state.
[00:07:10] And it can be worked with.
[00:07:12] At some point, I needed to understand, what is this state really?
[00:07:17] Why does it show up even when objectively everything's fine? We usually think of anxiety as being nervous before an exam, before a date, before a flight. But that's not anxiety.
[00:07:31] That's just nerves. And it passes when the moment ends. Anxiety isn't about the event. It's about a response system that activates even when nothing is actually happening.
[00:07:46] In the anxiety and phobia workbook, Edmund Bourne writes, anxiety isn't a flawless. It's an old defense system that used to help us survive. Imagine you're living in the forest. You hear something rustling in the bushes. Your body tightens. Danger. Heart races, muscles tense, focus sharpens. Your whole system goes into get ready to run mode. That's the fight or flight response. And it worked great when the threat was real. An animal, a fire, an enemy. But we're not in the forest anymore. Now the rustling in the bushes is a text with a period, a message left on, read, a call from your boss out of nowhere, a word said in the wrong tone. And our brain, it doesn't always know the difference between actual danger and a situation that just needs a bit of patience. So it hits the alarm anyway. Something's about to happen. Get ready.
[00:08:39] That's why anxiety doesn't need a reason. It just turns on because the system is too sensitive.
[00:08:45] Because somewhere along the line, it got set to high alert, and now it doesn't know how to turn back down.
[00:08:54] Claire Weeks, one of the first to speak about this without judgment. She explained, anxiety isn't weakness. It's an overloaded system. And most importantly, it can be healed. Not with some magic pill, but by learning how to relate to it differently. Weeks didn't suggest shutting anxiety down. She said, stop being afraid of fear itself. Notice the anxiety, and instead of fighting it or trying to shut it off, just tell yourself, yeah, I'm anxious right now. That's okay. It'll pass.
[00:09:25] And there's something powerful in that. Like you stop running away from yourself and anxiety stops being the enemy and becomes just part of the process.
[00:09:35] Not permanent, not your identity, just a temporary setting that can be adjusted. When you live with anxiety long enough, it doesn't just affect how you feel. It changes how you think, how you make decisions, how you hear others, how you see yourself. You become hyper aware, but not in the enlightened kind of way. More like you're constantly calculating, always a few steps ahead. You're running possible conversations in your head, coming up with responses before the other person even opens their mouth. You can't just be. Because your mind is always analyzing something, even if on the outside you're smiling and everything seems fine. The simplest things feel exhausting.
[00:10:20] Grocery shopping, chatting with a co worker.
[00:10:24] Being vulnerable in a relationship, not because they're hard, but because with every step your brain whispers, what if you mess this up?
[00:10:36] What if they misunderstand?
[00:10:38] What if you say the wrong thing? Then what?
[00:10:42] Anxiety messes with your boundaries. You say yes to things you don't really want, just to avoid conflict, just so you're not a problem.
[00:10:50] It messes with spontaneity, with joy, with playfulness.
[00:10:56] Because even in your happiest moments, there's a voice inside saying, it's good now.
[00:11:02] That means it's about to get worse.
[00:11:04] Don't relax. Don't get used to this.
[00:11:07] You can start losing touch with the present.
[00:11:10] Your attention drifts to the past.
[00:11:13] Did I offend someone? Or jumps ahead to the future.
[00:11:17] Okay, if it goes wrong, what's the plan?
[00:11:21] And it's not because you want to overthink, not because you're weak.
[00:11:25] It's because your internal safety system keeps hitting the alert button even when you're just living. If you don't understand what's happening, you might start thinking there's something wrong with you, that you're too much, too intense, too broken. But you're not broken.
[00:11:41] You've just been living like this for a long time, in a state where anxiety becomes your default, your constant companion, even if it was never really invited.
[00:11:52] One of the hardest things about anxiety is that it's often invisible, even to the person feeling it. You go through life, work, talk, laugh. You lead meetings, go on trips, make plans for the future. But all of it with a tension inside you that you've either learned to ignore or learned how to hide.
[00:12:13] You don't scream into your pillow. You don't cry every night. You just clench your jaw and keep going. And even to yourself, you don't always admit how tiring that really is. And when you finally decide to speak up, you don't always get understanding in return.
[00:12:27] Everyone's stressed these days. Don't overthink it. Just chill.
[00:12:32] You're probably just tired, so you go quiet again because you don't want to seem weak. You don't want people to think you're exaggerating. And slowly you start to feel ashamed just for being anxious at all. Silence becomes a habit. And the anxiety, it goes deeper, quieter, heavier. Now you're not just anxious, you're ashamed of being anxious. And that's a double load to carry, because now you're not just fighting the feeling, and you're fighting yourself. When anxiety becomes part of your daily life, it's not just about understanding what's happening.
[00:13:07] It's about having tools, even small ones. Anything that helps you exhale, even just a little bit. So here are a few things that actually help. If you find yourself going back again and again. To check the door, the stove, the iron, try adding a specific memory cue to your routine. For example, take a photo of the door as you lock it. Say, out.
[00:13:30] The door is locked. I'm leaving.
[00:13:33] Or even make a weird, silly noise on purpose. Something ridiculous enough that your brain remembers, okay, that moment is done.
[00:13:41] It might feel silly, but it works. You're creating a memory anchor you can grab onto later. And the anxiety.
[00:13:48] It might not disappear completely, but it gets a little quieter. Because now you have evidence.
[00:13:55] If anxiety hits you on the bus, in a crowd, at work, keep something grounding with you. A small object you can touch, hold, roll in your hands. Something with texture. Prayer beads, a piece of fabric, a coin or metal object, even just your house key. It helps bring your focus back to your body, to the here and now, when your thoughts are flying off too far. And if your anxiety shows up as spiraling thoughts, don't try to stop them. Instead, speak them or write them down.
[00:14:27] Not a gratitude journal, just quick, honest, raw statements. I think I might get fired because I feel like I messed up that conversation with. When you say it or write it, your brain sees this is real. This has been named. It's not just looping in the background anymore. Then delete it if you want.
[00:14:47] Or keep it doesn't matter.
[00:14:50] What matters is this. You let it out.
[00:14:53] If your anxiety shows up in your body, like tightness, shallow breathing, tension, try using movement. Not cardio, just small, simple gestures.
[00:15:04] Squeeze your hand into a fist, then release it quickly. Roll your shoulders slowly, like you're stretching. In silence.
[00:15:12] Take three breaths in through your nose and exhale through your mouth with a long, audible sound.
[00:15:19] These tiny movements send a message to your body. I'm here with you. And that's the first step toward making anxiety feel less like the enemy. If you constantly question whether someone really cares about you, don't ask directly, do you still love me?
[00:15:34] Try this instead.
[00:15:35] Send something warm and simple, a message that doesn't ask for a reply. Like I'm glad I have you.
[00:15:43] Just wanted to say that this isn't a trap, not a test to see how they'll react.
[00:15:50] It's a way to feel connected without falling into the anxious loop of Just tell me you're not leaving.
[00:15:57] Sometimes to feel connection, you don't need to check it, you just need to create it. If silence in your messages triggers anxiety and you keep rereading every okay, yeah, or I'll call you later.
[00:16:12] Try this. Open your notes app. Write a message just for yourself.
[00:16:17] Say what you really want to say. Are you ignoring me? I'm anxious because of your silence.
[00:16:23] I can't tell if we're okay or not, but don't send it. Leave it. Read it again. In an hour, you'll probably notice the anxiety has eased because once it's expressed, your brain stops spinning.
[00:16:38] Sometimes we confuse not expressing something with not being allowed to feel it, and those are not the same. If anxiety keeps you up at night and you're lying there staring at the ceiling, try a simple I'm done for the day routine. Turn off bright lights. 30 minutes before bed, write down a quick list of what's left unfinished. Say out loud, that's it for today. I'll come back to it tomorrow.
[00:17:04] It's a ritual. It won't erase the anxiety completely, but it gives your brain a boundary. You're not working. You're not analyzing. Now you're recovering. And even if you don't fall asleep right away, at least you're not fighting anxiety alone in the dark. One more thing, and it's important.
[00:17:24] Sometimes we want the anxiety to go away so badly that we start grabbing onto anything.
[00:17:30] And sure, some things feel like they help, but only for a few minutes.
[00:17:35] After that, they make it worse, like endlessly googling symptoms. Your chest feels a little tight, and three minutes later you're on a forum reading the worst possible outcome. Maybe you just didn't sleep enough, but your brain is already in panic mode and your anxiety fully dialed up. Or constantly checking re reading messages overanalyzing why someone used a period instead of a smiley. Listening to your boss and thinking, did I upset them? It looks like control, but really it's a loop. Your brain thinks it's protecting you, but all it's doing is cycling anxiety or this, trying to calm yourself down by sheer force. Like, okay, stop.
[00:18:17] Get it together. Be strong. But anxiety isn't dramatic. It's not about pulling yourself together. It's a signal, a system overload. And when you yell at it, it just yells back. Not everything that feels like help actually is help.
[00:18:32] Sometimes it's not about doing more, it's about not ramping it up. Exhale and say to yourself, yeah, I'm anxious right now and that doesn't make me bad.
[00:18:43] Here's something I didn't understand for a long don't always have to get rid of anxiety. Sometimes it's enough to just not merge with it.
[00:18:51] You might wake up and feel that familiar tension in your body, and maybe before that meant, well, the day is ruined, but now you can say, ah, it's here, but I am not it.
[00:19:05] That's a different way to live, where anxiety isn't the narrator, just background noise, like a cloud drifting by but not steering your direction. You can feel anxious and still live.
[00:19:19] You can still make decisions, still talk, laugh, sleep, hug someone.
[00:19:26] Be quiet.
[00:19:28] You don't have to be perfectly calm to deserve your life.
[00:19:31] I don't know if anxiety ever fully disappears, but I do know this the moment you stop fearing loses its grip and you come back to yourself.
[00:19:41] Some things don't need fixing.
[00:19:43] You just need to learn to live beside them.
[00:19:46] Anxiety is one of those things.
[00:19:49] It can walk with you, but it doesn't have to hold your hand. You don't have to be calm all the time. You just get to be alive.
[00:20:00] If you ever feel like seeing anxiety from a different angle, meet not as an enemy, but as a part of being human.
[00:20:06] Here are some books and films that help make sense of it all.
[00:20:09] Calmly, honestly. Books that might feel like Support the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund Bourne.
[00:20:18] A detailed, deeply human guide to anxiety. It doesn't minimize or rush you. It explains things clearly and offers exercises you can try at your own pace.
[00:20:29] Hope and Help for your Nerves by Claire Weeks.
[00:20:33] A book that calms you down just by the way it speaks.
[00:20:36] Weeks was a doctor, and she lived with anxiety herself. Her message don't fight it, understand it. Stop fearing, fear itself.
[00:20:46] Unwinding Anxiety by Judson Brewer if you want to understand why the brain gets stuck in anxiety and how it becomes a habit loop. Science based but super accessible with real life examples that really hit home Films where you might recognize yourself. Inside out, an animated film that captures emotions more truthfully than most textbooks. Especially powerful the role of anxiety and sadness as essential parts of our inner world.
[00:21:26] A Beautiful Mind the story of mathematician John Nash.
[00:21:32] Not about anxiety per se, but about inner noise and learning to live with it without losing yourself. The Perks of Being a Wallflower A quiet, honest film about a teenager learning to speak for the first time about fear, about feelings, about himself. And that's the heart of anxiety too, when silence isn't a choice but something you can't break through.
[00:22:03] You can start with a book or a film, or just one page, or maybe just by noticing yourself. Sometimes one small movement toward yourself is enough to feel you're not alone and you're okay. That's it for now. You've been listening to Feelings between the lines. My name is Dima. Take care of yourself and if anxiety comes back, gently remind yourself you are not your anxiety.
[00:22:30] You are a living, breathing person.
[00:22:37] That brings us to the end of this episode. Thank you for listening all the way through. If you found this episode helpful or interesting, please don't forget to subscribe, leave a rating and share it with friends. This helps the podcast reach more people who might need it. In the description of this episode, you'll find the books and movies I mentioned. Also, I'll leave a link as well as some ways to support me or provide feedback. Your input means a lot and helps me improve the podcast. See you in the next episode. Bye bye.
