Episode Transcript
[00:00:12] So here's the thing. It feels like we talk about depression more than ever these days, right? It's everywhere. On social media, in the news, on TV shows. We can't escape it. And we've kind of gotten used to hearing about it. Someone says they have depression, it's the problem of our generation. They say millions of people are suffering from it. But here's the catch. When it comes to real depression, a lot of people still have no idea what it actually feels like. Some think it's just sadness. Others call it laziness or weakness. And then some picture depression as just lying in bed all day, never leaving the house. Depression can look a lot of different ways. And honestly, it can catch you completely off guard. Now picture someone you know. Maybe a colleague, a friend, a neighbor. They joke around, post photos from their travels on social media, go to parties, laugh, smile. On the surface, everything seems fine. But now imagine that same person struggles just to get out of bed every morning. They have to force themselves to smile. And there's this emptiness inside that they can't even explain, not to anyone, not even to themselves. Would you be able to tell? Most of us, we think depression is obvious. But the truth is, it's not. It can be completely invisible. It might look like exhaustion or irritability, or even the opposite, hyperactivity, when someone packs their schedule with a million things just to avoid being alone with their thoughts.
[00:01:53] So in today's episode, we're gonna talk about how to recognize depression, how to tell it apart from ordinary sadness, or just feeling down why it often doesn't look the way we expect, and how to know when someone around us, maybe even someone really close, might actually need help.
[00:02:14] Hi everyone, this is Dima and you're listening to Feelings between the Lines podcast. Lets get started.
[00:02:24] When we talk about depression, most people imagine a pretty clear picture. Someone lying in bed all day, doing nothing, avoiding people looking sad and withdrawn. But reality? It's a lot more complicated than that. Depression isn't just about despair or tears. Sometimes it shows up as irritability or sudden bursts of anger or. Or that deep crushing exhaustion that even 10 hours of sleep can't fix. Other times, depression is just numbness. A complete absence of emotion. No joy, no sadness, nothing at all. And sometimes it's all hidden behind activity. A person looks like they're living a full life, working, socializing, joking around, but not because they're okay. It's because pretending feels easier than facing the emptiness inside. And that's exactly why we miss it in others and in ourselves. Someone can live with depression for years, blaming it on stress, on being tired, on just not being in the mood. They think it's just a phase, it'll pass. But sometimes it doesn't. But there's one important difference. When someone's just tired, rest actually helps. When they're in a bad mood, something fun, a little joy. It can lift them up. But with depression, nothing changes. No matter how much you sleep, you still wake up exhausted. No matter how hard people try to cheer you up, everything still feels empty, meaningless. It's like life starts to fade. Colors lose their brightness, Sounds feel muted. And even when good things happen around you, inside, you feel nothing. So how do you know if it's just a temporary low or something more serious? There are a few signs you can look out for. First, duration, we all go through rough patches. But if that low mood sticks around for weeks or months, that's no longer just exhaustion. Second, loss of interest in life.
[00:04:30] If you used to love music, movies, hanging out with friends, and now none of it brings you joy, that's a big red flag. That feeling even has a name. Anhedonia. And it's often one of the first signs of depression. Third, physical symptoms. Because depression isn't just emotional, it affects your body too. Constant fatigue, trouble sleeping, or sleeping way too much, even unexplained pain, a heaviness in the chest, headaches, a strange, draining weakness. But maybe the hardest part of depression is how it makes you doubt your own feelings. You think things like, I just need to pull myself together.
[00:05:13] Other people have it worse. I can't have depression.
[00:05:17] Maybe I'm just lazy, and that's why so many people live with it for years without ever asking for help. But if you recognized yourself or someone close to you in these words, that's a real reason to pause, to stop and think. Because here's the truth. Depression isn't a weakness. It's not a flaw in your personality. It's not something you bring on yourself. It's a condition, like the flu, like a headache, like any other health issue. You didn't choose it. And still so many people fight it alone. Why? Because they're scared. Scared they won't be understood, scared they'll be judged. Some are even ashamed to admit it to themselves because society still whispers that old depression isn't real. You're just being dramatic. I'm sure you've heard these phrases before. Just do something. Keep yourself busy. Go to the gym. That'll help. But you have a good life. What are you sad about? Here's the thing. Depression isn't cured by willpower. You can't just snap out of it. It's not a switch you flip. It's a process, a complex one. And that brings us to one of the most important if depression isn't just a bad mood, what can we do about it? One of the best ways to start understanding depression is to look at how professionals explain it. And a lot of those explanations live in books, books written by people who've studied this for years and who've helped thousands of others. So let's dive into some of the most helpful ideas from psychologists and researchers, ideas that might just make a difference in real life. Science has been exploring depression for a long time. What causes it, how it affects the brain, and how we can manage it better. One of the most well known books on the topic is feeling good by Dr. David Burns. David Burns is a psychiatrist and a major voice in cognitive behavioral therapy, or cbt. In his book, he explains something really powerful that depression is often rooted in the way we think. More specifically, in distorted thinking patterns. When someone is depressed, their mind starts playing a loop of negative beliefs. I'm worthless. Things will never get better. Everyone else has their life together. Why can't I? And the tricky part? Those thoughts feel real. They feel true. So a person stops questioning them and just accepts them as facts. But they're not facts. They're filters. And filters can be changed. Dr. Burns offers a practical way out of that mental trap. He teaches how to spot those distorted thoughts, analyze them, challenge them, and slowly replace them with more balanced ones. That's the core idea behind cbt. Cognitive behavioral therapy. And you know what? It works. Not overnight, not magically, but it's one of the most evidence backed ways to treat depression. But here's the Depression isn't just about what we think. It runs deeper. It touches our habits, our memory, even how we exist in the present moment. There's another book I want to mention. It's called the Mindful Way Through Depression by Mark Williams. And it offers a completely different but equally powerful perspective. In it, Williams explains how our brains tend to loop back again and again to painful memories. It's like you went through something difficult once and now your brain replays it on repeat like a broken record. This is called rumination.
[00:08:59] And if you've ever been stuck in a cycle of thoughts that won't shut off, you know exactly what I mean. We keep thinking. If I just keep analyzing, maybe I'll figure it out. But instead of solutions, all we find is exhaustion that's where mindfulness comes in. Mindfulness helps us break the loop not by running away from thoughts, but by learning to observe them from a distance without being dragged into the spiral. Williams and his co authors talk about a simple but powerful tool, mindfulness meditation.
[00:09:38] And one of the easiest ways to try it is a technique called body scanning.
[00:09:43] So let's try something together, nothing complicated. Just take a moment. Feel your breath. In and out, in and out.
[00:09:55] Don't try to control it, just notice it. Now bring your attention to your body. Where do you feel tension? Where do you feel relaxed? Maybe your shoulders are tight, maybe your hands are calm. That's it. No judgment, no trying to fix anything. Just noticing these moments of presence. They're like tiny anchors. They pull us back from the storm inside our heads and bring us back to right here, right now. And the more we practice this, the easier it becomes to catch ourselves before we get pulled back into that loop of heavy thoughts. But while cognitive therapy helps us work with our thoughts and mindfulness trains us to stay in the present, what do we do when depression feels purely physical? That heavy, numb kind of depression where it's not about what you think, it's about how you feel in your body.
[00:10:49] Robert Leahy explores this in a really down to earth way. In his book Beat the Blues Before They Beat yout, he reminds us depression isn't just emotional, it can be physical. Like viscerally physical.
[00:11:04] We're talking muscle pain, constant fatigue, struggling to fall asleep or sleeping too much. And here's the the worse you feel physically, the less you want to move. And the less you move, the deeper you sink. To break that cycle, Leahy introduces something called behavioral activation.
[00:11:24] It's one of those simple but not easy things. Imagine this. You wake up, it's early, you're in bed and you feel like doing absolutely nothing. You think, I have no energy, no reason to get up. Leahy's advice? Don't wait for motivation. Don't wait until you want to do something. Just do something. Anything.
[00:11:47] Action first, feeling later. And I know that can sound impossible when you're in the middle of it, but honestly, it makes sense. Science supports it. Our brains respond to movement. Even the tiniest bit of action sends the message, I'm still here, I'm doing something. So start ridiculously small. Brush your teeth, make your bed, drink water, open the window, stand on your balcony for two minutes and feel the air on your face. It doesn't have to be perfect, it doesn't have to feel good. The point isn't to want to do it. The point is to do it anyway. These tiny steps, they're not just chores. They're signals. Signals to your body, your nervous system, your mind that you haven't given up. And over time, those signals start to build. Momentum slowly returns. Now, that doesn't mean depression magically disappears overnight, but it does mean you've taken back a little control. And that that's powerful.
[00:12:50] We've talked about three cognitive therapy, mindfulness and behavioral activation. But here's something important.
[00:12:59] If depression is starting to take over your life, it's time to get help.
[00:13:04] But what if someone knows they need help and still feels too scared to reach out? Sometimes just realizing there's a problem that alone can be a big step forward.
[00:13:15] But the thing is, depression doesn't always show up with a bang. It can creep in quietly, little by little, day after day, until one morning you wake up and realize everything that used to bring you joy now just feels empty. And that's exactly what happened to me. I want to share my story with you.
[00:13:43] I honestly can't tell you the exact moment it started. It didn't hit me all at once. At first, it was just exhaustion. I figured, okay, it's been a stressful stretch. I probably just need to catch up on sleep, take a few days off, reset. But no matter how much I rested, it didn't go away. The tiredness slowly turned into something else. Apathy. I was still doing all the same things. Working, talking to people, finishing projects. But it all felt numb, like I was just going through the motions on autopilot. The meaning wasn't there anymore. But even then, I didn't fully understand what was happening. It crept up on me. And what made it harder was, from the outside, everything looked fine. I was growing professionally, surrounded by people who cared. But inside, I felt out of place. At first, I thought it was just the constant moving. Every year or two, I'd pack up and start over. New country, new culture, new people.
[00:14:49] I figured maybe I was just burned out from all the change. And if I'm honest, sometimes I felt like I didn't really belong. There were places where being openly gay just wasn't accepted. I've always been open about who I am, and maybe that was silently weighing on me, too. But even when I moved to Canada, a country that's known for being inclusive and accepting, that heaviness didn't go away. I still didn't feel at peace. That's when it hit me. It was never really about the relocations, the countries, or even the People around me, this feeling, it had been following me for a long time. It came from somewhere much deeper. From the past, A distant past. And it was tough. Really tough. Because like those books say, depression has this way of convincing you that it's all just normal. That this fog, this heaviness, this lack of drive, it's just how life is now. It robs you of the energy to change, to even want things to change.
[00:15:50] I started turning inward, trying to figure it out, trying to pull myself out of that place. But I didn't do it alone. Someone I love reached out. They took my hand, pulled me into a hug, sat me down at the table and. And help me fill out an application for therapy. I don't think I would have had the strength to do it on my own. And that moment, it taught me something big. How important it is to really see the people in your life. To check in, to ask the hard questions, and to share what's going on with you, too. Even if it feels scary. Because when someone's struggling, there are signs. They're not always loud, they're not always easy to catch, but they're there. Sometimes all it takes is one person noticing. But here's the thing. Even when someone literally walks you into therapy, it doesn't mean you're gonna trust the process Right away. I was scared. Honestly, terrified. Part of it was that I didn't really believe in therapy.
[00:16:50] I had that same mindset a lot of people still have. Though I do hope fewer folks think that way now. I used to think therapy was just like talking to a friend, but awkward and expensive.
[00:17:05] What could a stranger possibly tell me that I didn't already know?
[00:17:09] Still, I went. That first session was pretty basic, more like an intake. They asked me a bunch of standard questions, nothing too deep, and, man, I was so uncomfortable. I didn't feel safe enough to open up. I sat there tense, waiting for it to be over. At the end, they said I'd be put on a waiting list, so I left.
[00:17:32] The next day at work, I told a colleague about the session, and he goes, yeah, my therapist literally fell asleep during one of mine. I just looked at him, like, seriously, why did I even go? Then weeks went by and no one called me back. No follow up, no email, nothing. And to be honest, I was kind of relieved. I didn't want to go back. Not really. But during that time, things got worse. Much worse.
[00:18:02] Eventually, I hit a point where I thought, okay, maybe I can't wait anymore.
[00:18:07] So I called one of those mental health helplines and What I experienced there was honestly a whole new level of hurt. So I went to the hospital, to the emergency psych department.
[00:18:19] I was at a breaking point. They admitted me. And while I was sitting there, a nurse started filling out my intake forms. And then out of nowhere, she goes, well, just enjoy life.
[00:18:33] What if it were that simple, do you think I'd be sitting in a psych ward? The therapist they assigned me didn't even talk much.
[00:18:42] No questions, no conversation. Just a quick prescription for antidepressants.
[00:18:48] And listen, I'm not against meds. They absolutely help people. But at that moment, that wasn't what I needed. I didn't want to just mute the noise in my head. I wanted to understand it, to get to the root of what I was feeling. Because for me, it was important that when I eventually stopped the meds, I wouldn't be right back where I started. I didn't want to just cover up the pain. I wanted to heal it. So I gave it one more shot. No expectations, no trust in the system. Just a quiet decision to try again. And more than six months later, I found my therapist. That's when the real work began. And I'm still doing that work, even now. And I want to say this clearly. I wouldn't have made it through if I didn't have people around me who literally pushed me toward help. I didn't do it alone. I couldn't have. When I had my first session with my current therapist, I wasn't expecting much. Just like always, it felt like just another appointment. Some questions, a bit of background, the usual stuff. But this time, I felt something different. It's hard to put into words, but I could tell they genuinely wanted to understand me. Not just tick boxes, not just go through a script. Of course, my pragmatic side jumped in right away. Don't get your hopes up. It's probably nothing. But I stayed. I decided to give them a chance. I know, it sounds weird, right? I'm the one who needed help. But it felt like I was the one giving them a shot. And honestly, that shift changed everything. We tried different methods, testing what would actually work for me. And slowly, I started seeing progress. I learned how to catch myself when I was spiraling, how to bring myself back when things got heavy. I started focusing, really focusing on the present moment, which, trust me, is way harder than it sounds. We used all kinds of tools. Meditation, breathing work, grounding exercises. Each one was a small step, but those steps started adding up, little by little. I started noticing changes for the first time in what felt like forever. There were moments without pain. It felt strange. New even. I'd been so used to carrying that sadness around every minute of every day. No breaks, no days off, no pause button. But then it started. Taking lunch breaks and sometimes even full days off. I'm still in the process. It's not a straight line, never is. But now I know the path is real. It's there. And honestly, that simple. Knowing it's what helps me keep going. But if I could go back and say one thing to my past self, it would be don't wait until you're at your breaking point. Start now. Start small. There are tools out there, and they do help. My journey wasn't quick and it definitely wasn't easy. But somewhere along the way, I stopped asking, will I ever feel normal again? And started thinking, what small thing can I do today to take care of myself? Because healing doesn't happen in one breakthrough moment. It's dozens of quiet choices every single day. And if you're in that space right now feeling stuck, unsure, maybe even hopeless, just know you're not alone and you don't have to do everything at once. Here are a few methods that can help, not only for those already in therapy, but also for those trying to manage on their own. 1. Thought tracking cognitive Method what to do throughout the day? Write down thoughts that trigger anxiety, apathy, or self criticism. Identify which of them are cognitive distortions. For example, I'm a failure. That's an overgeneralization of a single negative experience. Then challenge them with that was a failure, but I've also had successes. How does this help? This technique helps break the cycle of negative thinking. When we put our thoughts on paper, they stop feeling like absolute truths.
[00:23:07] Two Minimal actions Behavioral Activation what to do when even simple tasks feel overwhelming? Set tiny goals. Make the bed. Take a shower. Step outside for five minutes. Break big things into smaller pieces. Not clean the whole apartment, but start with one shelf. How does this help?
[00:23:29] Depression makes us pull back from life. But small actions create movement, and movement generates energy. 3. Mindfulness and grounding emotional regulation what to do?
[00:23:42] Practice body scanning. Close your eyes and focus on sensations in your legs, arms, and back, one by one. Or try the 54321 method. 5 things you can see 4 things you can hear 3 things you can physically feel 2 things you can smell 1 thing you can taste. How does this help? These techniques help break the cycle of negative thoughts and bring attention back to the present moment. This is especially useful in moments of anxiety where your mind wants to spiral out of control 4. The one fact method what to do when negative thoughts start looping in your mind, stop and ask yourself, what is one fact? I know for sure I'm a bad friend, but the fact is I texted my friend yesterday. I haven't achieved anything. But the fact is, today I got out of bed and made breakfast.
[00:24:40] How does this help?
[00:24:43] Our brain has a tendency to exaggerate negativity. Replacing broad negative emotions with specific positive facts helps you see the situation more realistically without the dark lens that depression often puts on things.
[00:24:57] 5. The Small Wins Journal what to do every day Write down three things you accomplished despite depression, even if they seem I got out of bed, I did the dishes. I texted a friend.
[00:25:14] Revisit your entries whenever you feel stuck.
[00:25:17] How does this help? Depression often makes you dismiss your own progress, leaving you feeling stuck. But by tracking even the smallest wins. This journal reminds you that you are moving forward, even when it feels like you're not. But therapy was just one tool. What else can help to recover? It's a way of life, for example. One Sleep Routine what to do? Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, even when you don't feel like sleeping. Avoid screens and bright lights 30 to 60 minutes before bed. If you can't fall asleep, don't just lie there struggling. Get up and do something calming. Reading Deep breathing exercises how does this help?
[00:26:00] Depression often disrupts circadian rhythms, making it hard to sleep or causing constant fatigue. Restoring a sleep schedule helps stabilize energy levels and improves overall well being.
[00:26:11] Second Physical activity what to do?
[00:26:16] Start with the bare minimum, just five to ten minutes of light movement. Find a form of movement you actually enjoy. It doesn't have to be the gym. It could be walking, dancing, or yoga. Don't aim to become a fitness guru. Just focus on moving a little more than before.
[00:26:33] How does this help?
[00:26:36] Physical activity boosts serotonin and dopamine, the brain chemicals responsible for mood regulation. Even small amounts of movement can reduce stress and help lift the brain out of a depressive state. Third Social support what to do? Even when you don't feel like talking, try to stay in touch with at least one person. Don't be afraid to ask for help, even if it feels like no one wants to hear about my problems. If talking feels too hard, start with text messages or short, low effort interactions.
[00:27:09] How does this help? Depression pushes people into isolation, but loneliness only makes symptoms worse. Even a small amount of support can rebuild a sense of connection to the world. I know not all methods work right away and not everything will work the same for everyone, but the key is not to stop searching. You might feel like nothing is helping, but one day you'll try something and it will work. And that moment will be your first step toward getting out. You know what I've realized?
[00:27:42] The key to getting out of depression isn't about never falling. It's about learning how to get back up again and again.
[00:27:54] Depression is a complex condition, but there are a few things worth remembering. You are not alone. Yes, you Even if it feels like no one understands, there are people who care and who are willing to help.
[00:28:08] Asking for help is okay. Not every method works right away, and not every therapist is the right fit. But that's not a reason to give up. If you need help, ask for it. Small steps matter. Even if all you managed to do today was step outside or complete one small task, that's progress. And that's a big deal. If you want to better understand your mental state but aren't ready to dive into complex scientific books, here are a few accessible and insightful reads. Reasons to Stay Alive Matt Haig the author shares his personal experience with depression and anxiety, explaining how he managed to get through it. The book is written in a simple, relatable way, without complicated terminology, and serves as a reminder that you are not alone.
[00:28:57] The New Mood Therapy David Burns Based on cognitive behavioral therapy, this book provides practical tools to manage depression and anxiety. It includes tests, exercises, and real life examples to help you challenge negative thoughts and regain control over your emotions. The Paradox of why More Is Less Barry Schwartz While not directly about depression, this book explains why constantly analyzing choices and striving for perfection leads to anxiety, stress and and emotional burnout. It's a great read for anyone struggling with overthinking and decision fatigue, but if you're looking for something inspiring to watch, here are a few movies that explore depression and the journey of overcoming it. Soul Pixar an animated film about what truly makes life valuable and how meaning can be found in the simplest moments.
[00:29:55] Personally, I I really love this movie. It's one of Pixar's best modern works and unfortunately there aren't many of those lately.
[00:30:04] Into the Wild A film about self discovery, inner freedom, and the consequences of emotional isolation.
[00:30:14] The Perks of Being a Wallflower A coming of age drama about anxiety, depression, and the importance of support from others. It's based on a book, by the way, and the book is also worth reading.
[00:30:29] Foxcatcher A dark but powerful film that shows how depression can affect even those who seem outwardly successful that brings us to the end of this episode. Thank you for listening all the way through. If you found this episode helpful, please don't forget to subscribe, leave a rating and share it with your friends. This really helps the podcast reach more people who might need it. In the description, you'll find the books and movies I mentioned. Also, I'll leave a link where you can support me or share your feedback. Your input means a lot and helps me make this podcast better. See you in the next episode. Bye.
