Episode Transcript
[00:00:12] Sometimes you surrounded by people, you hear laughter, conversations.
[00:00:18] You smile, you play along.
[00:00:21] But inside, it's quiet.
[00:00:24] Not painful. Not scary scary. Just empty.
[00:00:28] And sometimes it's the opposite. You're alone. No messages, no company. And somehow it feels peaceful.
[00:00:37] Like in that silence, you can finally hear yourself again.
[00:00:45] In this episode, I want to look at the different sides of loneliness to show that being alone doesn't always mean being lonely. It's. And being with someone doesn't always mean you're not.
[00:00:57] Loneliness can take many shapes. Sometimes it's painful, sometimes it's a pause. Sometimes it's the only space where you can truly meet yourself. We live in a time where you can talk to anyone, anytime. And yet somehow, real connection feels harder to find.
[00:01:14] So today, I want to explore why that happens.
[00:01:17] How technology and the pace of modern life change, change the way we experience closeness, and what it really means to be together in a world that's always online.
[00:01:28] My name is Dima. You're listening to Feelings between the Lines, a podcast about what we feel but don't always know how to explain.
[00:01:42] I've never been the kind of person who makes friends easily.
[00:01:45] Honestly, I'm a bit shy because. But still, I always thought I was doing fine socially. I had people I talked to, friends from different countries, different backgrounds.
[00:01:56] It felt like this huge web where everyone had their own corner, and mine too. But then I realized that whole web can disappear in a single day.
[00:02:07] It happened a few years ago in Cambodia. I went there just for a few days. A visa run to extend my stay in Thailand. Nothing special.
[00:02:15] I'd paid for my hostel in advance for a few nights, but didn't buy the return ticket yet.
[00:02:21] In Cambodia, you usually just get it right at the bus station. I had a Chinese bank card and all my savings were on it.
[00:02:28] Yeah, I know. Not the smartest financial decision, but at the time, there were reasons why it had to be that way. Still, the fact remained, all my money was suddenly frozen. The bank suspected fraud because I hadn't warned them I'd be using the cart in another country.
[00:02:43] When I called the support line, the operator said calmly, you need to visit a branch office in China, which was already closed due to Covid. I was sitting in my hostel, technically safe, but with no access to money. No ticket, no food, no way to move. I started messaging people I thought were close to me. Those I'd spent evenings with, shared stories, laughed with some, replied with polite words.
[00:03:09] Hang in there, Moose. Said nothing at all. I even posted on social media. Not begging, just asking if Anyone could help.
[00:03:17] And as it usually goes, lots of views, lots of reactions, almost no real response. Out of everyone, only two people really helped. One was a childhood friend living in Europe at the time. She just wrote, if you can get here, you'll have a place to stay. No questions, no. No drama, just that.
[00:03:37] And the other was a guy from Bangkok, someone I'd met once by chance in a sauna. We weren't close, but he was the first to reach out. He helped me get back to Thailand, gave me food, a place to sleep for a couple of nights while I figure out what to do next. Staying in Thailand with no money made no sense. To keep living there, I needed a job. And for that I had to leave the country to apply for a work visa in Europe. In Poland, I could stay with my friend, and I didn't need extra documents to look for work and start over.
[00:04:06] That same guy helped me get to Bangkok. And from there I flew to Europe, to the place where I was actually expected.
[00:04:14] And that's when I felt loneliness in the most real way possible.
[00:04:18] Not as a poetic idea, but as an emptiness that doesn't let go even during the day. Especially during the day.
[00:04:25] After that experience in Cambodia, something inside me changed.
[00:04:29] I started seeing people differently.
[00:04:31] And honestly, I started seeing myself differently too.
[00:04:36] I used to think that if we had fun together, if someone invited me out, shared stories, laughed at my jokes, then we were friends.
[00:04:44] But when you're stuck in another country with no money, staring at your phone, and almost everyone is silent, you start to understand something.
[00:04:53] That most of those connections weren't built on depth. They were built on convenience, or just a fleeting kind of affection. And that realization was sobering. Painful, yes, but in a strange way, freeing.
[00:05:07] Since then, I stopped chasing numbers.
[00:05:10] I don't need to be always connected. Now I value the people I can simply be silent with without worrying it'll feel awkward. At some point, I even ask, do I actually know how to build real friendship?
[00:05:23] And if I do, with whom? And you know, that was an important shift.
[00:05:28] Not because I found all the answers, but because I finally started asking the right questions.
[00:05:37] After that story, I kept wondering why loneliness hits so deeply. Why it doesn't just live on your head, but in your body, like a quiet anxiety that never fully goes away. Maybe because loneliness isn't one thing. For some people, it feels like pain. For others, peace.
[00:05:53] And it seems like those two things can't exist together. But maybe it's not about being alone, but why you are alone. Psychologist John Cacioppo saw Loneliness as a biological signal, like hunger or thirst, it doesn't mean something's wrong with you. It means you're missing connection. Our brain reads isolation as a threat to survival. It ozone's alarm heightens awareness and tries to pull us back to the tribe.
[00:06:19] But the problem is when that alarm goes off too often, it starts working against us. We get defensive.
[00:06:25] We start seeing distance, even where there isn't any. What sound Colder silence feels like rejection. And the more we crave warmth, the further we drift away. But there's another side to it.
[00:06:36] Sociologist Eric Klinenberg, in his book Going Solo, writes about people who choose solitude intentionally, not as isolation, but as space.
[00:06:46] A place to recover, to hear themselves again, and to feel quiet. Not as punishment, but as pause.
[00:06:52] Etrazdvans Cacioppo and Klinenberg seem to be saying opposite things.
[00:06:56] One talks about pain, the other about freedom, but maybe they're describing the same experience, just in different phases. Cacioppo says loneliness is a signal. It needs connection.
[00:07:09] Klinenberg replies that sometimes that connection is with yourself. And maybe that's the whole point. Not to choose between them, but to learn to hear both, to know the difference between loneliness that calls you to others and loneliness that calls you back to yourself.
[00:07:29] When you start to really notice loneliness, you realize it's not about choosing a side.
[00:07:34] It's not about always being with someone or proudly staying on your own. What really matters is understanding where you actually feel at peace.
[00:07:42] Not just comfortable, not just distracted, but genuinely calm inside.
[00:07:48] Some people need others to feel alive. They draw energy from company, from conversation, from shared moments.
[00:07:56] And others need space, quiet, solitude, a bit of distance to recharge and return to the world again.
[00:08:05] There is no right formula, no universal rule for how social you should be.
[00:08:11] The key is not to hide in solitude out of fear and not to chase people, just to feel the silence.
[00:08:17] Real comfort is when you can be with someone without losing yourself and be alone without feeling guilty. Maybe that's what maturity really is.
[00:08:27] Learning to move between these two states, without extremes, without proving anything, without fear of being different.
[00:08:38] And this is where it gets hard. Understanding is easy.
[00:08:42] Living it, that's harder. We often think we've accepted loneliness, but most of the time we're just enduring it, filling the silence with work conversations, another window glowing on a screen. True acceptance isn't about not being alone. It's about no longer running from it. It's when, for the first time, you let the silence stay and listen. Give your loneliness a voice. What to do for a Few evenings in a row, try to record or write down what you actually feel when you're alone. Not perfectly, not wisely, just honestly speak or write like you're talking to someone who doesn't need you to explain yourself.
[00:09:25] Why? It helps you stop arguing with loneliness and start a conversation with it.
[00:09:31] Once it has words, it loses control. It becomes a mirror showing what you truly quiet, warmth, connection, understanding.
[00:09:44] Watch how it changes, what to do.
[00:09:49] Notice how it feels day to day. Sometimes heavy, sometimes neutral, sometimes almost peaceful.
[00:09:57] Why it helps.
[00:09:59] You'll begin to see that loneliness isn't the enemy. It's part of your rhythm. It breathes with you.
[00:10:07] Sometimes it's a space to stay in. And sometimes it's what tells you it's time to step back into the world.
[00:10:16] Being alone is okay.
[00:10:18] If it brings calm, if it gives space, if it feels alive, then it's yours for now.
[00:10:27] But if the quiet starts feeling heavy, if the stillness turns into distance, then loneliness has stopped helping you.
[00:10:36] Not for the sake of socializing, not because it's what you should do, but because somewhere inside you know.
[00:10:46] Staying alone now means staying still.
[00:10:52] After long time alone, being around people again feels strange. You are no longer afraid of solitude, but company feels unfamiliar, like something you used to know and forgot how to hold.
[00:11:05] And that's okay.
[00:11:07] After silence, even soft voices feel loud.
[00:11:11] The hardest part isn't showing up.
[00:11:13] It's learning not to run away.
[00:11:16] Start simple. Just be where life happens.
[00:11:19] Not to talk, just to notice A coffee shop, a park, a street, a library.
[00:11:25] Any place where the world is still moving.
[00:11:27] Let yourself feel that motion again.
[00:11:30] Then let it come a little closer.
[00:11:33] A short hi, a glance, a smile.
[00:11:37] Not out of politeness, but because something inside you wants to reach out again.
[00:11:42] Don't rush to find your people. For now, it's enough to simply remember how it feels to exist among others.
[00:11:49] You're not behind.
[00:11:51] You're just relearning rhythm.
[00:11:53] How life sounds when you let it in.
[00:11:56] Sometimes it will feel awkward, sometimes empty. But that's fine. Even spring feels strange after a long winter. You just need time to remember what warmth feels like.
[00:12:06] Slowly, you realize being with others isn't the opposite of being alone.
[00:12:11] It's just another way of being present where you don't lose yourself. You wake up again. Not for the sake of fitting in, not because you should, but because at some point, life starts calling you closer and you're finally ready to answer. Because in the end, we don't choose between silence and people. We just learn how to stay alive. In both.
[00:12:36] If you'd like to stay with this topic a little longer, here are a few books and films that might resonate with you.
[00:12:44] Loneliness John Cacioppo One of the most human and precise scientific views on loneliness as both a biological and emotional reality.
[00:12:54] Going Solo Eric Klinenberg A look at the sociology of solitude without tragedy, about choosing to live alone and how that choice shapes both society and the self. All About Love Bell hooks about why vulnerability scares us and how love begins with honesty toward ourselves. The Art of Solitude Stephen Batchelor Quiet Reflections on how solitude can become not a punishment, but a space for depth and clarity films her about how loneliness can exist even inside perfect relationships and the deep longing to be truly understood. Lost in translation 2003 A story of accidental closeness, missed connections, and the quiet solidarity between strangers. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, about a man who lived in daydreams until he finally dared to step out of isolation and into the world. Into the Wild 2007 about the search for freedom and the kind of loneliness that finds those who try to run away from everything.
[00:14:03] If something here speaks to you, let it become a continuation of this conversation, this time just between you and yourself.
[00:14:16] Loneliness isn't always something we need to fix. It's part of being human.
[00:14:21] It teaches us to listen to ourselves, to pause, and to notice who's truly there.
[00:14:26] Maybe that's where its strength lies. It makes us alive, sensitive, real.
[00:14:33] Each time we come back from loneliness, we become a little softer, a little more attentive to others, and maybe a little closer to ourselves.
[00:14:44] If you feel lonely right now, don't rush to change it. Just stay in it for a while.
[00:14:49] Listen to what it's trying to tell you.
[00:14:52] Sometimes inside that silence, you find not emptiness, but honesty.
[00:14:58] Thank you for being here, for listening, for sharing this moment with me, even in silence. If you found this episode helpful, please don't forget to subscribe, leave a rating and share it with your friends. It truly helps the podcast reach more people who might need it.
[00:15:15] In the description, you'll find the books and films I mentioned and the link where you can support the podcast or share your feedback.
[00:15:22] Your words and support mean a lot and help make this project better.
[00:15:26] See you in the next episode. Bye bye Sa.
